Ceiba Farrell-Sultan
United World College USA
Las Vegas, New Mexico
Heads or tails. The toss of a coin. That’s the parlor game I played in the back of my head every time I walked into a picture-perfect American grocery store, aisles lined with Kraft mac and cheese and Wonder Bread. Should I be Mexican or American today? Should I put on concealer to hide my tan, tuck away my accent, my mom’s tamale recipes, my weekends filled with family, and slip into the version of me that blends in? Just another face at a football game, the version of me that’s the most comfortable for others. Or should I risk the stares, the jokes, the questions that made me want to shrink?
This summer in Spain, surrounded by the history of convivencia, where Christians, Muslims, and Jews built a society not by erasing differences but by letting them coexist, I found my answer. I didn’t have to choose between the two, I never did.

In Toledo, I stood in a synagogue that had once been a mosque, that had once been a church, and I thought about how identity isn’t something you pick once and never change, identity is something that shifts, expands, and carries every story that came before it. Walking through those narrow streets, I stopped feeling like my two cultures were at war with each other. I saw them instead as layers, like the tiles on the Alhambra, intricate and whole only when they are all in place. Being Mexican and American didn’t make me less of either, it made me more of both.
For the first time, I stopped apologizing for myself in my own head. In Spain, I was surrounded by people who understood, who, like me, had grown up balancing two worlds and two languages. Having had fluency in Spanish as a requirement for the program, every one of us carried pieces of Latin America woven into our childhood, abuelas who made pan dulce on Sundays, parents who switched from English to Spanish mid-scold, names that teachers stumbled over on the first day of school. With them, I didn’t have to translate myself or shrink my answers down for others to feel more comfortable. We laughed about the same inside jokes, theme songs from the same old cable cartoons, and shared the same quiet ache of feeling “too much” or “not enough.” And, for the first time, I felt like my reflection matched the person I’d always been inside.
The summer ended, but its lesson lingered, a quiet strength and new realization I could draw on whenever I needed it. The grocery store aisles didn’t feel like a coin toss anymore. I didn’t flinch when someone mispronounced my name or asked why I spoke Spanish “so well.” Instead, I opened the book of who I was and read every page aloud, no longer erasing the parts I thought others wouldn’t understand. Instead of seeing my Mexican and American sides as halves pulling me in opposite directions, I started seeing them as a bridge, one that’s a gift instead of a curse, letting me move between worlds with ease, one that lets me belong in more than one place at once.
Now, I know that my voice is strongest when I speak from that bridge, when I let both cultures shape how I see, how I listen, and how I lead. SDC taught me that my identity isn’t a coin to be flipped, it’s a mosaic, and every piece not only belongs but shapes.













